when did time get away from me? and days blur to become an indistinguishable cluster that i wish i could savor for a little bit more than just that present moment?
"yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. so i concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can."
how do you deny yourself daily when it feels like you need to take care of worldly matters before you can tackle His will for you? can you even come when you're not following? am i coming, or have i halted and busied myself with to-do lists and checkmarks? when did i get it so backwards?
"for whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
what is the best way to say no? when you know that you are overcommitted and spread way too thin to be all there where you want and need to be? when does it border selfishness, to be more inwardly focused than outwardly? doesn't God's glory reveal itself even more when you give until there's nothing left to give?
"if you're here for four more years or four more weeks, you're here right now. i think when you're somewhere, you ought to be there. it's not about how long you stay in a place, it's about what you do while you're there, and when you go, is that place any better for your having been there?"
will i ever fully recognize how blessed i really am? that the momentary burdens could never outweigh His rewards, even when the weight of the world on my shoulders feels like it will never let up?
"you’re going to wear yourself out—and the people, too. this job is too heavy a burden for you to handle all by yourself. give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you.He will not permit the godly to slip and fall."
lately, it feels like the biggest battle i face every day is not against the world but within myself. being joyful versus being pessimistic. drawing near to the Lord and being still in His presence versus being fearful of what He will say that you don't quite feel ready to hear and shying away from His truth. collecting burdens and grudges versus dispensing them to the One who can handle all.
"look at Him; give Him your warmest smile. never hide your feelings from Him."
relationships with others begin first with you and your Father. you can't be real with God until you're real with yourself--and frankly, i'm a real mess.
"this is what God does. because God is funny, that's how He is. and he likes taking total misfits and using them so that everybody knows who did it. there can be no confusion about who gets the glory when He's using a bunch of wing-nuts to get something done."
here i am, assembled and reassembled in words, phrases, and sentences that barely nick the chaos in my mind and my heart. but that's okay because the Lord knows all the pieces of me that have been shattered and here i am willing to hand over myself because He's committed to me. He's willing to commit and so should i.
the message version said it best: "God, pick up the pieces. put me back together again." and refining me in the process of this brokenness.
on an end note: i babysat a family of seven kids this weekend--love them but i don't plan on having seven of my own anytime soon. the cold weather is throwing me off. my longboarding injuries are healing nicely. tyler elms is my favorite theme dance partner ever. arkansas football and the lack of real food disappoints me. i love the lantz family and "the fam" so much. i fail at picking up the phone and calling folks for a meaningful conversation. the desire to be married has been kicking quite a bit. but not as much as the need for a top-rated bonecrushing hug or to see kids. i like it when treadway turns red. i think about the future more than i probably should. i haven't gone to class since thursday and it's been beautiful. i'm ready to go to china--did i mention that yet?
i love you.
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