affirmation to move forward.

some quick things to say:

• the weather has been SO beautiful this week.
• my allergies are killing me.
• oklahoma has taken me in as a native lately.
• only four more days of classes left in fayetteville.
• i am just loving pictures and traveling.
  
• everyone is getting married!
• packing is such a tedious task.
• i still need to find a girl to come live in my spot.

now to the bulk of the matter:

things are falling into place, and i am getting a tiny glimpse of what is to come concerning my future, my post-may adventure. for someone quite indecisive and lacking the pursuit for definitive action, the Lord has been affirming where my path is going.

k-institute. k-institute. k-institute. (!!!)

between september and april, i will be living in branson. to be disciplined in the Word and in prayer. to hunger for Scripture. to be taken to a whole new level of intimacy with Christ. to live in community with those on the same page as me. to be discipled. to have accountability. to rest and dwell within the Lord. to pursue a foundation of faith that i can build upon with any form of ministry.

out of the comforts of northwest arkansas and the university of arkansas. closing a chapter that needs to be closed--He gave me four years for a reason. i lived. loved. survived. laughed. cried. changed. learned. and although i still feel like i have so much more i could do and more to experience in life, this is all He has intended. for the present moment. the beared fruit from life lived? we will see.

my feelings? it still feels surreal. to go from not having much clarity into the future to trusting the Lord enough to take a small step in the direction of all things kanakuk and youth and ministry. lovin' it. lovin' it so much. i am incredibly excited about this opportunity of how the Lord is going to continually break down my identity of self and replace it with His and His alone.

i have an incredible amount of selfishness residing in me. i want the best of both. the best of college life and the best of k-institute. i'm straddling the line of holding on so tightly to what i have now and grasping toward something so great i cannot even imagine. the past versus the future. what i had versus what i hope for.

and i can't have both. i'll be shortchanging myself from the future if i cannot accept the past as what was. as something to look back upon as a learning experience and a point of reference.

prayer? to cut ties loose. not relationships--the Lord has shown me that those can carry on despite time and/or distance. to cut loose regrets, expectations, hurts, complacency. and instead: tie up loose ends into pretty (enough) bows. closure.

and move forward without looking back.
to make the impossible, possible.
confident that the Lord is with me, walking alongside.
nothing to fear. risking nothing of value.