nothing fancy.

there's nothing fancy bout the way i love you, but i love You as hard as i can.

the past stretch of weeks have not been the prettiest. the smoothest. the easiest. it feels like i'm carving out my own mountain peaks and shadow valleys--and i just wish i could plateau at some point. to find some semblance of consistency and peace.

what have i done right lately? not a whole lot. not with balancing. not with being reliable. not with investing in relationships. not with being all there. not with priorities. not with patience. not with encouragement. not with trust. not with keeping my focus on the One who demands my all, my life. not with being bold with love.

i'm a failure. enough said.

"thus, in one sense, the road back to God is a road of moral effort, of trying harder and harder. but in another sense, it is not trying that is ever going to bring us home. all this trying leads up to the vital moment at which you turn to God and say, 'You must do this. i can't.'"
--c.s. lewis.

i am done. i am worn out. 16 hours of school, panera, razorback yearbook, phi lamb, bcm, new heights, k-life, and ozone. where does my heart lie? i am tired of making lists and checking them off. what should i passionately pursue? i know that the Lord will determine what my steps will mean on His path--but it's so hard not knowing.

do you ever feel alone in a crowded room? i guess my prayer request is just to love on me at the moment because my faith in people, in the college life is wavering. me and rose are going to take an impromptu drive one weekend and just let it go. i want to feel Your beautiful freedom.