on the edge.

what's been going on lately? life has been A LOT different, post-kamp & teepee life. nearly a month has passed by & there is rarely a dull moment.

visiting war eagle was a blast--loved seeing my ozone kids & the few-and-far-between familiar faces among staff & leadership. coffee dates & reunions are a must, especially at kennedy's. me & katie got to take an adventure down to tyler, tx. SO refreshing to go down without a deadline or pressing matters. we stopped at various junctures, making the drive over eight hours. loved seeing nick & ronnie & cheno and making friends with their friends running alongside them at pine cove with such encouragement & blessings. the day after coming back from texas, i left to go a old-school southern baptist church camp with sang avenue. oh my word. easily the most challenging group of kids i have ever had (that's including war eagle, kanakuk, & ozone). ...and i wouldn't take it back just because of how the challenges stretched me in every possible way. i got to see one of my favorite families, the napiers, & come alongside them in times of upheaval & change. birthdays & weddings are looming in the future.

i take for granted the constant stream of encouragement & love & joy at kamp that challenged & spurred me on to be consistent & hungry for the Word and for ongoing conversation with the Lord. it hasn't been easy. it won't be easy. my discipline has faded drastically--due to messed-up priorities, the feeling of burnout, and pride in being self-sufficient.

i am caught in between what is real and just a dream. i am done with college. i am done with kamp. i move to branson & kanakuk institute in forty days. this two months in the middle has me on the edge. ready to jump & leave behind the old life but unable to do so because of the chains of time. there is such discontentment of where i am right now. such restlessness in the relationships that i know will fade once we both part ways. such a sad realization that some friendships are for nothing but a season. nothing more, nothing less. such an apathy to be connected to anything or anyone, with such fear & selfishness wrapped around my heart that tells me to leave before being left. because i hate feeling left out. i hate feeling awkward. ...and that's the circumstances i am in now.

Lord, remind me that You will never leave or forsake me. that i will never be alone because You are with me. remind me that there is time for everything. encourage me with the promise of sweet heart friends: that will be there through the mountains & the valleys, living out john 15:13 with all their being. make philippians 4:11 come alive - to be content whatever the circumstances. trust that He has my world in His hands and that He's fashioning each & every moment with His will & purpose in mind. push me daily to be consistent in my pursuit of You.